Bold Statements of Yore

1. We are guilty of keeping up slavery by giving increasing prices of slave-grown cotton and sugar. We are the great supporters of slavery – unwittingly often, but truly.
- David Livingstone, 1859

2. You know long ago they used to say, “…the missionaries came to Africa and they had the Bible and we had the land. And they said, ‘Let us pray.’ And when we opened our eyes, we had the Bible and they had the land.”
Desmond Tutu, 1984 Nobel Peace Prize Winner (South Africa)

3. You inhabitants of the palace you had better reduce your swaggering…
You cannot show off on an empty stomach,
The children went to get relief but there was none,
The elders were thinking that it was due to the children’s lack of strength,
But the whole issue is not concerned with strength.
Proverb from famine in Nigeria 1942

4. We need schools in Africa, but schools in which we show the native the way to the dignity of man and the glory of the (Portuguese) nation which protects him. We want to teach the natives to write, to read and to count, but not to make them learned men.
Cardinal Cerejeira of Lisbon, in his Christmas message of 1960

5. Improving our country for us, are you? Railways, roads, mines, indeed! For whose benefit are they? You can take them away so far as I am concerned. What are you leaving us with? A sucked orange!
Zambian chief, late 1930s

6. The European merchant is my shepherd,
And I am in want;
He makes me to lie down in cocoa farms;
He leadeth me beside the waters of great need.
Ghanaian soldier, 1940s

7. I have heard…that people may become dependent on us for food. I know that was not supposed to be good news. To me, that was good news, because before people can do anything they have got to eat. And if you are looking for a way to get people to lean on you, in terms of their co-operation with you, it seems to me that food dependence would be terrific.
Sen. Hurbert Humphrey, on the U.S. food for peace program, 1957

8. Food is a weapon but the way to use that is to tie countries to us. That way they’ll be far more reluctant to upset us.
John Brock, during confirmation hearings as Secretary of Agriculture, 1980

9. Laws are like cobwebs, which may catch small flies, but let wasps and hornets breakthrough.
Jonathan Swift

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Best House Plans

If we want to build a new house for our own means, then we need best house and home plans for it. It is such a hectic work to carry out, because it not such an easy task to get home plans easily. But here after no need to worry about this because Houseplansandmore.com is here to support and guide us in things such as House Plans, designs and so on. They are helping us to find our dream home plan that incorporates every architectural design feature you need to make your new home highly functional for your lifestyle. The site is really nice and well designed too to get the required information about the house plans that we are looking for. We can find many cool collections of plans from the site such as Cabin/Cottage Plans, Cape Cod/New England Plans, Colonial Floor Plans, Contemporary house plans, Country House Plans, French Country House Plans, Craftsman House Plans, Early American House Plans, English Cottage Plans, European House Plans, Farmhouse Plans, Florida House Plans, Georgian House Plans, log home floor plans, Lake House Plans and many more. Through the search box that was provided in the site we can find the estimated cost by giving inputs such as estimated cost to build, maximum dimensions, bedrooms and so on. Just by giving the zip code of our area, we can able to get the estimated cost for the houses. They can do the free shipping of our plans to our specified destination, so that we can get it easily and safely. So I hope that these benefits from will help us a lot to build our dream house a lot easier than ever. Try it out and feel the difference…

This post DOES NOT require a disclosure link or statement.

8 Ways To Happiness - Part 5

Gratitude

Stop for a moment and think of someone in your life that you’re grateful for. Have someone in mind? Now really focus on that person. What do you appreciate about them? What specifically do you really like about them? Think of nothing else but your gratitude for having them in your life and what you appreciate about them. Close your eyes and focus on what you love about them.

Now, how did you feel when you did that? Felt pretty good, didn’t it? When we focus on our appreciation and gratitude for the things and people in our lives, we encourage our own awareness and happiness.

“Earth is crammed with heaven.”
- Elizabeth Barrett Browning.

Gratitude is one of those characteristics that is almost always present when feeling happy. What you focus on becomes more impactful in your life. Make gratitude a larger aspect of your thoughts. You can end the pain by simply changing your focus.

Try an experiment. Take 10 minutes of your time and make a list of all the things you're truly thankful for in your life. The things you appreciate and are really grateful for. Stay away from the “I should be grateful for this” type of items and stick with only those things that in your heart you feel thankful for. Then notice how you feel afterwards. You'll be surprised.

If you're not in the habit of experiencing or expressing appreciation, you may have to set notes around your home to help remind you. If you keep a journal you may want to list one thing you feel grateful for every day. When I was first doing this I found myself actively looking for things to appreciate. After a while, it became second nature to me.

TFS

Our world has got changed a lot, due to much advancement in the technical field. For all kind of advancements and improvements, IT field is playing a very big role in it. Day by day the requirements in the IT field are increasing a lot, so because of this there is a much need for more and more quality IT companies in this field. At the same time starting an IT company is not that easy task, due to the cost to set up the company and so on. But here after no need to worry about these kinds of problems, because now a very famous company named Phase2 International is renting software and server space to set up the company’s network in a most reliable and easier way. Initially there is no need to pay the full amount. Instead of it, we can pay the fraction of cost, and then after the improvement in this field we can pay the remaining amount. But at the same time we can also enjoy so many cool benefits from them such as money back guarantee, no set up fees and so on. From the phase2.com we can get the hosted tfs, where TFS is the extension of Visual Studio and helps in process of Code Efficient and so on. So many products are available with them like Microsoft Project Server, Team Foundation Server, CRM etc,. This hosted team foundation server will really help the team while coding the programs by providing so many utilities for the programmer. So I suggest this tfs hosting to all of you, try this site and start your company, then feel the difference.

This post DOES NOT require a disclosure link or statement.

8 Ways To Happiness - Part 4

Beliefs

Understanding & Changing Your Beliefs

This is perhaps one of the most important pages on the Self Creation site. If you act on the information on this page, I guarantee your life will never be the same. A bold statement, but true.

Beliefs are any ideas you think are true about yourself, others, and life. Clarity about what you believe, who you are, what you want, and why you want it can be like a beacon on a clear night, guiding you to the fulfillment of your desires. Unfortunately, most of us aren't aware of our beliefs, many of which we acquired as children. You can live your whole life unaware of how you're beliefs are effecting your feelings, thoughts and actions.

Some beliefs are counter-productive to what you say you want. Wouldn't it be nice to identify those beliefs? Examine them for validity? There are so many self-defeating beliefs but here are just a few I've identified in myself and others. Do you believe any of the following?

Self Defeating Beliefs

* If I'm happy now, I won't be motivated to change anything.
* I can't change. This is just the way I am.
* My feelings are natural reactions, not something I can control.
* If I control my feelings, I'll be a robot.
* I have to have [love, sex, or money] in order to be happy.
* If I don't feel guilty, I’ll continue to do "bad" things.
* You have to do some things you don't want to do in this life.
* No pain, no gain.
* If I was happy all the time, I’d be a blithering idiot.
* People who are optimistic aren't realistic.
* You can’t have your cake and eat it too.
* If happiness was my priority, I'd be inconsiderate of others.
* It's a dog-eat-dog world out there.

8 Ways To Happiness - Part 3

Acceptance

Accept Yourself As You Are Right Now

Self acceptance is being loving and happy with who you are NOW. Some call it self-esteem, others self-love, but whatever you call it, you'll know when your accepting yourself cause it feels real good! Its an agreement with yourself to appreciate, validate, accept and support who you are at this very moment, even those parts you’d like to eventually change. This is key...even those parts you'd eventually like to change. Yes, you can accept (be okay with) those parts of yourself you want to change.

Motivation Behind Lack of Acceptance

If acceptance feels so good, then why don’t we accept ourselves? Motivation. Motivation to get us to do, not do, be, and not be. Many people believe that if they accepted themselves as they are, they wouldn’t change or that they wouldn’t work on becoming more of who they want to be.

We hate ourselves for being fat to get ourselves to diet. We berate ourselves for mistakes to make ourselves more attentive. We feel guilty to make ourselves do what we think we should. We judge ourselves unfavorably with the hope it will motivate us to change. We hope if we feel bad enough about ourselves, that maybe that will motivate us to change.

Does this work? Hardly. All it does is...well, cause us to feel bad and feeling bad just saps your energy you might have used to make changes. It works exactly counter to what you wanted to do.

So if it doesn’t work, why do we keep doing it? Because we HOPE it will work. And if you don’t know any other way to change, what options do you have? We’ve been trained to believe that in order to change, we need to first feel bad about it. That if we’re accepting and loving of that particular quality, that we won’t do anything to change the situation. Which is not true! You don’t have to be unhappy with yourself to know and actively change those things you’d like to change about yourself. Acceptance is actually the very first step in the process of change.

What if you were to drop your value judgments and simply saw “what is” then identified what you wanted and why. It could totally transform your experience. What are the ramifications of doing so? Perhaps you would find a well of love for yourself and others that you never knew existed. Perhaps you'd notice the less you judge yourself, the less you judge others. And maybe, just maybe, the experience of acceptance would give you the solid foundation to move forward in creating yourself and your life the you've always dreamed.

8 Ways To Happiness - Part 2

Deliberate Intent

Make Happiness A Deliberate Intention

How often do you base whether you’ll be happy or not, on the circumstances and conditions in your life? “When this happens, I’ll be happy. When I get this house, car, relationship, job, this problem is solved, have self esteem, get out of this marriage (the list is endless) ... then I’ll be happy.”

What if your happiness was...
More important than changing?
More important than getting what you want?
More important than making more money?
More important than being healthy?
More important than having friends?
More important than being respected?
More important than having the right career?
More important than being in a great relationship?

What if you could be happy while pursuing the things you want? Whose to say you can't? Is there any reason you can't experience joy while creating the life you want?

What we focus on becomes larger in our lives. If you focus on feeling happy, you will feel happier. Consider this. If you don’t have to use unhappiness to motivate yourself to accomplish something, you could pursue your desires while being happy. You could feel good, right here, right now. It’s all about setting the intention to feel good at the top of your list. To understand this more fully, I recommend you read Emotional Options by Mandy Evans.

One of the surprising and amazing results of deliberately making happiness important in your life, is how much more effective you will be at creating what you want!

8 Ways To Happiness - Part 1

Responsibility

Take Ownership Of Your Emotions

If you're going to work towards happiness, you will need to know who controls your happiness. It’s a fairly common belief that a person can make another person feel bad. “She made me angry.” “He upset her.” “He really pissed the boss off this time.”

I am going to challenge this idea and propose that...

You can not, in any way, ever, MAKE someone feel anything.

When I have talked to people about this idea, they inevitably bring up the time when someone had upset them or made them angry. They say to me, “they caused my anger for if they had not been there, and said what they did, I would not have been angry.”

I can understand cause and effect in the physical world. I push the pencil and it rolls. I drop a glass and it shatters. But cause and effect don’t translate very well into the emotional world.

When someone says something to you, are the words going directly into your brain and switching on your "I'm upset" lever? When someone gives you the evil eye, are they shooting laser beams into your brain pushing your afraid button? When someone makes an unfavorable comment about your hair and you become offended, are they sending invisible "offend waves" causing your response? No, of course not. How can words, sent out as sound waves and picked up by your ears then translate into an emotional response? Is there nothing between those sound waves and your response?

I think people have difficulty understand this concept of responsibility for their emotions because they make no distinction between influence and control.

Influence & Control

There is a difference between the terms influence and control. Influence has the potential to impact. It's indirect. Control has a direct effect on a result.

Self Acceptance - Part 2

Process Of Acceptance

Acceptance exists at the core of your being. It is your default status. In order to reach this base level of acceptance, you need only remove the items laying on top. To do this, you must first identify all the things you do not accept about yourself. Then, one by one, eliminate them by examining and questioning your beliefs around that issue.

* Know yourself and your beliefs
* Take a good hard look at your honesty level
* Know you are doing the best you can
* Relax your value judgments
* Examine guilt
* Understand your motivations
* Ask yourself questions about what you don't accept

Self Acceptance - Part 1

Self acceptance is being loving and happy with who you are NOW. Some call it self-esteem, others self-love, but whatever you call it, you'll know when your accepting yourself cause it feels great. Its an agreement with yourself to appreciate, validate, accept and support who you are at this very moment, even those parts you’d like to eventually change. This is important...even those parts you'd eventually like to change. Yes, you can accept (be okay with) those parts of yourself you want to change some day.

The Motivation Behind Your Lack of Acceptance
If acceptance feels so good and is so good for us, then why don’t we accept ourselves? The answer is motivation. We use our lack of acceptance (punishment - cause it feels bad) as motivation to get us to do, not do, be, and not be what we think we should. Many people believe that if they accepted themselves as they are, they wouldn’t change or that they wouldn’t work on becoming more of who they want to be.

Typically, we judge ourselves unfavorably with the hope it will motivate us to change. We hope if we feel bad enough about ourselves, that maybe that will motivate us to change. Does this work? Sometimes, but only short term. Most times all it does is cause us to feel bad which saps the energy you might have used to make changes. It can be a vicious cycle. It works exactly counter to what you wanted to do.

So if it doesn’t work, why do we keep doing it? Because we hope it will work. And if you don’t know any other way to change, what options do you have? We’ve been trained to believe that in order to change, we need to first feel bad about it. That if we’re accepting and loving of that particular quality, that we won’t do anything to change the situation, which is not true! You don’t have to be unhappy with yourself to know and actively change those things you’d like to change about yourself. Acceptance is actually the very first step in the process of change. For more about this, see “an interview about acceptance”

Think of acceptance of yourself like being okay with where you live now. You may want a bigger house one day. You may dream about that new home. But there ARE advantages to living in a smaller home if you only took the time to think about it. It is possible to be happy with the home you're in now, while still dreaming and working to make your new home a reality.

Self Awareness

It All Begins With Awareness

Awareness is the first step in the creation process. As you grow in self awareness, you will better understand why you feel what you feel and why you behave as you behave. That understanding then gives you the opportunity and freedom to change those things you’d like to change about yourself and create the life you want. Without fully knowing who you are, self acceptance and change become impossible.

Having clarity about who you are and what you want (and why you want it), empowers you to consciously and actively make those wants a reality. Otherwise, you’ll continue to get “caught up” in your own internal dramas and unknown beliefs, allowing unknown thought processes to determine your feelings and actions.

If you think about it, not understanding why you do what you do, and feel what you feel is like going through your life with a stranger's mind. How do you make wise decisions and choices if you don't understand why you want what you want? It's a difficult and chaotic way to live never knowing what this stranger is going to do next.
Who's the expert?
When we want good, solid information, we turn to the experts. So, who are you going to turn to for information about yourself? Who's the expert?

You.

Does a friend, a therapist, a minister, your hero, your spouse, your parents know more about you than you? They can't. You live in your skin and mind 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 52 weeks a year. Day in and day out. No one’s closer to you than you! The answers are in there, perhaps all you’ve needed to solve your riddles is a useful question.

Problems in Love Relationships - Part 5

If you loved me you would.....

Unspoken and unacknowledged expectations take a large toll in relationships. In having expectations, you're expecting your partner to be a certain way in order to believe they love and care about you. If you don't get what you expect, you conclude all kinds of negative things about the relationship that may not be true.

Useful Questions:

* Do your expectations have to be fulfilled for you to be happy? If so, why?

* Do you expect your partner to conform to your wants? What does it mean when they don't?

* Do you have preset rules in your love relationships? If so, what are they and why?

* Do you find yourself often saying “he should” or “she should”?

* Do you have any “If you loved me you would...[fill in the blank]'s”? If so, what are they?

* Can you think of a time you didn't do what someone wanted you to do? Did you love them, even though you didn't do what they wanted? Could it be the same with your partner?

* Do you use another’s words and actions as “evidence or proof” that they love you?. If your partner does that thing or activity you want, then do they love you? If they don't, is that a sign they don't love you or care? If yes, why?

* Understand everyone has different wants, desires, and beliefs about what it means to be loving.

* Be Honest

* Examine what expectations you DO have, then openly discuss them with your partner. Find out what theirs are.

Problems in Love Relationships - Part 4

It would be easier to start over with someone else

Some time has passed in the relationship and you've both built up lies. Some big ones but mostly small ones. They're not blatant lies, but mostly unspoken thoughts and feelings. The intentions behind the lies were to protect yourself and your partner from pain. But now, your problems seem overwhelming and you can't talk openly and honestly about them because you've already established a certain pattern of communication. It seems it would be considerably easier to just start fresh with a new partner. One where you could be yourself without fear.

Useful Questions:

* Is honesty in your love relationship ever a “wrong” move?
Why do you believe that? (Read more about how honesty effects relationships)

* Get clear on what you've lied about to your partner. What would happen if you shared what you learned? What is the worst that would happen? Are you capable of handling that? Why or why not?.

* Figure out what you're afraid would happen if you were honest with them about those issues.

* Talk to your partner about your concerns of being TOTALLY honest. Keep the focus on YOUR feelings and not their behavior.

* Muster up the courage to tell them what you've lied about. Repeat to yourself, "No matter what happens, I will be okay."

Problems in Love Relationships - Part 3

We can't talk about that

Every time you approach certain subjects, it turns into an argument. In the back of your mind, you decide to avoid that topic in the future because you don't want to fight. You don't want the conflict. You believe fighting means the relationship is on rocky ground or is threatening to the relationship. You want to stay together, but believe if you fight, you might separate. So you become afraid to talk about one or two subjects. Over time, that list of "don't touch that one" becomes more and more numerous. And as the list of avoided topics grows, it starts to feel like you can't talk with each other anymore. You feel distant and detached. You start wondering how much longer you can live like this. The silence grows.

Useful Questions:

* Examine your beliefs about love and arguing. Are you afraid of being hurt in relationships? Does disagreeing with someone always mean hurt feelings? If so, why? How could you do it differently?

* Do you limit yourself in some way when with your lover? Why? What might happen if you let them see and hear all of you?

* Is honesty in your love relationship ever a “wrong” move?
Why do you believe that? (Read more about how honesty effects relationships)

* Talk to your partner about your concerns while keeping the focus on your feelings and not their behavior. (Helpful hint: Be watchful of terms like “you always, you never, you make me feel.” Try this instead: “When you [the behavior], I find myself felling [your feelings]...”)

* Learn to be more accepting of your partner by becoming more accepting of yourself.

Problems in Love Relationships - Part 2

We don't have anything in common anymore

You love each other and that's why you got together in the first place, but you don't really seem to have much in common anymore. You’re into philosophy and art. They're into sports. You like books and going for walks, and she always wants to go sailing. But you tell yourself that marriage is a sacrifice. A give and take. You’ve been told you should put aside your own interests to make the relationship work. You have to compromise, right? But when you give up what you love for the sake of the relationship, you end up resenting the person and conclude you don't have anything in common.

If you had these differences when you fell in love, chances are it's not about having nothing in common, but not having the connection and intimacy you once had.

Useful Questions:

* Has the amount of one-on-one time changed since you first met?

* Do you still share everything with your partner like you use to?

* What would happen if you did what you wanted, and they did what they wanted?

* How much time do you have to spend with your lover to feel you have a successful relationship? How did you arrive at that amount? What would it mean if you had separate interests?

* Do you see yourself and your partner as two separate people who choose to be together or do you feel some type of obligation?

* Do you believe “Love means to sacrifice.”? If so, why?

Problems in Love Relationships - Part 1

You don't love me like I love you

Problems can creep in when we start to have thoughts of “do I love him more than he loves me?” We start examining all the things we do for our lover. All the ways we express our love and how much time and energy we’re putting into the relationship. Then we try to figure out if our lover is giving an equal amount back. If we perceive a discrepancy in that balance sheet, we start to back away from the relationship. We don't want to love more than they love. We become fearful that if we love them more than they love us, we might be played for a fool.

Useful Questions:

* Focus on how you feel when YOU are loving. Does loving someone feel good regardless if it’s returned? Is your loving someone conditional on them loving you back? If so, why?

* Do you feel loved when your partner isn’t around? If not, why not? Do you accept yourself, appreciate your qualities?

* Are you doing things for your lover that you really don't want to do, but feel you need to, to keep their love? Are you doing things for them, expecting something in return? What are you expecting? And have you told them what that is?

* Have you talked to your partner about what things cause you to feel loved? (Don’t get caught up in “if they loved me, they’d know”, cause they don’t.)

How to Overcome Anxiety & Fear in Relationships? - Part 1

Fear of intimacy is the exact opposite of the close relationship you had with your best friend when you were a kid. You may be lucky enough to have a best friend now, but the depth and scope of those childhood friendships may seem unbeatable because you shared all your secrets. Fear of intimacy -- hiding behind emotional walls and barriers -- wasn't usually an issue. Overcoming fear of intimacy and anxiety wasn't even on the radar screen.

Fear of intimacy is definitely a grown up problem.

Fear of intimacy involves the reluctance to open up and reveal your true self, perhaps because you've been hurt in the past. Or, if you grew up in an emotionally and socially closed environment and never learned how to be vulnerable to either friends or lovers, you may have a hard time opening up now. This is fear of intimacy. We've all been betrayed and hurt by loved ones in big and small ways – a thousand tiny betrayals. Regardless of the pain was accidentally or deliberately caused, we’re naturally reluctant to open ourselves up again. Not wanting to get hurt can lead to an extreme fear of intimacy.

Personality characteristics such as introversion and extroversion can also contribute to fear of intimacy issues, and so can depression and anxiety.

Fear of intimacy is different than fear of commitment. You can be married and not know your partner emotionally, intellectually, or spiritually. In fact, loneliness in marriage is more difficult than being lonely as a single person or widow. Marital loneliness springs from fear of intimacy in one or both partners.

7 tips for a strong healthy love life

Your partnership isn't just a vehicle that brings happiness and contentment to your life (or bitterness and pain). It's a living, dynamic creature that changes, grows, and needs attention -- and you must nurture it. In all three stages of love, your love reveals who you really are, in all your glory and weakness.

All stages of love can help you accept your strengths and weaknesses. All stages of relationships also reveal your partner's strengths and weaknesses.

7 tips for a strong healthy love life during all stages of love:

1. Focus on the things you can control: your attitude, your behavior, your words, and your energy. If you want something to change in any stage of relationship, make it your own traits or actions – not your partner's.
2. Learn healthy ways to express your disappointment, anger, or frustration. Be honest and authentic, and kind and loving in all stages of relationships.
3. Remember the first stage of love! Recall your feelings of lust, attraction, and desire for your partner. Think about the traits that you were attracted to, and let those old feelings come to life again.
4. Appreciate your partner's good qualities; be grateful for the life you share. Gratitude can enhance all stages of relationships.
5. Focus on emotional intimacy in all three stages of love. Be vulnerable to have a healthy love life.
6. Own your feelings. Your partner can't "make" you feel stupid or worthless. If you feel unfulfilled or sad about your life, look at your own dreams and goals. Are you pursuing the life you were meant to live? Are you following your heart? Develop your personality, mind, and spirit. Figure out what will make you happy in this stage of love, and start creating the life you were meant to live.
7. Consider counseling in any stage of love. If you've lost that loving feeling, it could be an individual thing that you need to deal with or a couples' issue that you should tackle together. An objective point of view, from a therapist, pastor, or friend you trust, is incredibly helpful in all stages of relationships.

Three Stages of Love

Falling in love involves three stages of love: the initial feelings of lust or romantic love, physical attraction, and finally a deeper emotional attachment. Reaching the final stage of love isn't just about luck or unconditional acceptance. You can reach the final stage of love with these seven tips for a healthy love life. To be enjoyed, the three stages of love or stages of relationships need to be understood.

What Are the Three Stages of Love?

The three stages of love are the same for everyone: lust or romantic love, physical attraction, and emotional attachment. The stages of love or stages of relationships aren't necessarily separated by markers like anniversaries or events (such as getting married). Rather, the three stages of love blend together in one long stroke of love.

Not everyone reaches or stays in the final stage of love, which is when separation or divorce becomes an option.

Three Stages of Love

Lust or romantic love is the first stage of love. It's driven by testosterone and estrogen. Mating is the evolutionary purpose of this stage of love; it creates strong physical attraction and sets the stage for emotional attachment. In this stage of relationship, endorphins soak your brain and you're immersed in intense pleasurable sensations. Your lover is perfect, ideal, made for you. In this stage of love you feel exhilarated and even "high" (similar to the feeling you get after you eat really good chocolate or have a great workout). You feel infactuated in this stage of relationship.

Physical attraction and power struggles make up the second stage of love (the lovesick phase). You may lose your appetite, need less sleep, and daydream about your lover on the bus, during meetings, in the shower. In this stage of love, dopamine, norepinephrine, and serotonin are racing through your body and brain. You're also trying to shape your lover into your ideal partner – which is where the power struggles come in. In this stage of relationship, you're becoming more realistic, and you two may fight about things like whether or not to buy organic food or listen to country music. The infatuation is wearing off, a strong emotional attachment begins to set in, and feelings of infactuation fade.

Emotional attachment or unconditional acceptance is the third stage of love. It involves commitment, partnership, and even children (a fear of intimacy prevents many from reaching this stage of love). In this stage of relationship, you're aware of both positive and negative traits in your partner, and you've decided you want to build a life together. Confrontation is most likely to occur in this stage of love (though if you're authentic and honest, it'll also happen in the second stage of love). You and your partner will either work towards a healthy, loving relationship or decide to call it quits.

The Young Couple in my Neighbourhood

There is a young couple that moved to my part of the street recently. In fact they came to my neighbourhood. I caught a glimpse of them just last week. They present an interesting spectacle.

When I caught a glimpse of them last week, I had all along been yearning to ‘see’ them (even from far). The curiosity to see what kind of people they are was initiated by what I had been hearing from the men and women in my neighbourhood. But the women talked more than the men. I guess they also embellished the stories they told one another.

There is one good thing I have learnt to do before believing anything I hear from these women. I always take everything they tell me (or hear from them) with a pinch of salt. And that has saved me many a time.

Before I tell you about this young couple, let me tell you something about the women in my neighbourhood.

First things first, these women are all old women. By old women I mean women who look old and have an average of three children each. These are women I cannot freely converse with. You might ask yourself how come, then, they tell me so many things about whichever and whatever.

Well, truthfully I just wonder how they find the energy and ‘morale’ to come to me after the lack of interest in their stories that I have been showing them. But they keep on coming to me. They open their mouths wide – they blurt, twaddle, twitter and rabbit all manner of things which are embedded in their hearts. After spewing what they believe to be something of interest to me, they bound homewards to prepare the evening meal for their raucous children and ever-irascible husbands.

The evenings are never peaceful in my neighbourhood. Immediately these irascible husbands arrived home from work, all hell breaks loose. Their houses become war zones. They pull and punch each other as strings of unprintable expletives hang heavily in the screams released.

Now I understand why these women are always talking about this young couple. These two young people are different from their old neighbours. Firstly, they don’t engage in unnecessary “wars and bandying” every evening like their ‘elderly’ neighbours.

Another thing, they don’t hide their admiration for each other. When the man comes home after work, he is met at the door by his loving wife. A strong kiss is planted on his massive lips (all this happens outside their house – while all the old women are huddled nearby, gossiping). This greatly irks them – for they remember not when they last experienced the same in their married lives.

Five minutes after this wonderful show of fondness and love, the young couple head to the bathroom together (there are two bathrooms at the centre of the compound shared by the tenants).

Incidentally these old women always sit near the bathroom for there is good shade there. When the young couple start bathing the old women feel like running away. The sounds of pleasure emanating from the bathroom are more than they can take. They can’t bring themselves to remember when they last shared the bathroom with their husbands (now aptly termed “harsh bands” by these ‘creative’ women).

At the end of the relaxing bath, the young people strut from the bathroom in style – with their hands around each other’s waist. The old women cannot stand this. Some of them noisily clear their throats, while others jeer, while the most moronic of them burst out in raucous laughs.

The young couple, in a stroke of genius defiance, stall for a bit, look into each other’s eyes and start kissing in front of the whole world. The old women go mad and before they can say anything the couple has already disappeared inside their room.

This is the interesting couple we have here in my neighbourhood.

As recently as yesterday, I heard some of the old women telling their friends that they had persuaded their husbands to look for alternative places of residence elsewhere, in a different estate, because the environment “in this estate is growing unconducive by the day” and that the children “will very soon become very ill because the air here brings with it the poisonous fumes of the factory that is five kilometres away”.

I laughed out loud when I head this and hoped that they had learned something from the “couple”: That life is not about war and strife; it is about peace, love and respect. I just hope they are reading this.

Intimacy Between Lovers - Part 2

Guarding against intimacy overload or too much intimacy:

• Take time for yourself is a huge way to prevent intimacy overload.
• Balance your needs with your family’s. Overcompensating in one area, such as emotional intimacy, leads to intimacy overload.
• Enjoy your own hobbies and interests. Avoid intimacy overload by staying in touch with yourself.
• Take time away from one another – “Let there be spaces in your togetherness.” Too much time together contributes to intimacy overload.
• Cultivate your own friendships, apart from your partner. This guards against too much intimacy.
• Know who you are as a person, separate from your partner. Losing yourself can be part of intimacy overload.
• Develop your own spiritual, personal, social, and professional selves. Again, not being in touch with who you are contributes to intimacy overload.

Bouncing back from intimacy overload

To recover from intimacy overload, mix autonomy and independence with interdependence and togetherness. When a healthy balance of connectedness and separateness exists, both partners feel happy with their relationship – and realistic expectations and mutual respect are evident. Intimacy overload eases up when each partner is free and yet still feels loved.

Intimacy Between Lovers - Part 1

Intimacy overload isn't discussed as much as lack of intimacy or fear of intimacy. Talking about your feelings, thoughts, and past experiences is part of a healthy relationship, according to many psychologists, counselors, and doctors. However an article in Psychology Today (“Back Off!”) reveals that there’s a limit to how much intimacy you can tolerate. Intimacy overload is possible.

How much intimacy is intimacy overload? Levels of tolerance vary from person to person, and couple to couple. Simply put, when you discuss your relationship too much, you may have intimacy overload.

Intimacy overload: too much intimacy is as unhealthy as lack of intimacy

If you’re dependent on your partner for constant affirmation, unconditional love, and total protection – then you may be expecting too much intimacy. This is intimacy overload. If you expect your partner to increase your self esteem, fulfill all your social needs, and share every emotion with you, it's too much intimacy or intimacy overload. Excessive expectations in intimate relationships involve unreasonable demands for time, affection, or energy...intimacy overload.

Intimacy overload involves blurred boundaries. Sometimes, there is no line between two people. Intimacy overload involves too many emotional demands, too much togetherness, and too much criticism. Feelings of suffocation and control become are impossible to ignore, and neither partner is happy. Too much intimacy can break a relationship.

What to do with intimacy overload?

When intimacy overload happens, it’s not “intimacy” anymore. It certainly isn't lack of intimacy! It may indicate a different problem such as insecurity, anxiety, or low self-esteem.

Responses to intimacy overload or too much intimacy may include retreat and withdrawal. Partners tune out, perhaps hiding in their work, hobbies, or friends. Intimacy overload can be as unhealthy to a relationship as fear of intimacy or lack of intimacy.

Overcoming Fear of Intimacy - Part 2

Overcoming fear of intimacy involves:

• Recognizing your habit of hiding behind a wall, whether it’s withdrawing silently or being overly effusive and talkative. You really want to overcome your fear of intimacy.
• Realizing that hiding doesn’t necessarily mean verbal silence. You can hide your real self and still be the centre of attention or leader of the pack.
• Noticing when you’re hiding, and consciously decide if you should continue (sometimes you don’t necessarily want to spill your guts – you need to discern when to open up). When you're trying to overcoming fear of intimacy, you need to choose when to open up.
• Telling your partner that you want to hide, and you feel uncomfortable talking about your thoughts. Overcoming fear of intimacy means sharing your discomfort and fear, especially with someone you love. Communication often makes negative feelings dissipate.
• Practicing sharing one thought at a time. Take baby steps with people you trust; soon, sharing your self will become a habit and you’ll be comfortable doing it often. You'll overcome your fear of intimacy one step at a time.
• Seeking help from a counselor if these steps don’t work for you. There are underlying issues that are making you fearful, and dealing with those directly may be the only way to overcome your fear of intimacy.

Overcoming fear of intimacy: there's no changing your partner

Other than encouraging openness and honesty, you can’t do anything to improve your partner’s fear of intimacy – just like you can’t expect to change their personality or habits. You can share how your partner’s lack of intimacy makes you feel (eg, “I feel scared when I don’t know how you feel when we fight.”), and express your wish for a closer relationship. The more you discuss fear of intimacy, the more your partner may open up. Overcoming fear of intimacy requires honesty on both sides.

You can’t force someone open up to you, but you can choose who to become involved with and how much of your self you give to them. Overcoming fear of intimacy can be done in established relationships, especially if outside help is sought.

Overcoming Fear of Intimacy - Part 1

Overcoming fear of intimacy means you need to learn to be yourself in your relationship. Simple in theory, difficult in practice. Intimacy in relationships involves sharing what you really think, believe, and feel. It's about opening up your heart and mind, and letting others do the same. It's risky, which is why fear of intimacy often develops.

Overcoming fear of intimacy can improve your relationships and deepen your life.

Intimacy is similar to authenticity, in that both involve revealing your true self. Fear of intimacy is common, and can be related to fear of commitment – but they’re not the same thing. You can be married or committed to your partner, but not emotionally intimate. You can be in love, but not connected. Overcoming fear of intimacy allows real emotional and physical connections.

Signs of possible fear of intimacy:

• Deliberate withholding of personal information is probably fear of intimacy.
• Withdrawing when others talk about their thoughts and feelings. Protecting yourself often reveals fear of intimacy.
• Critical of yourself or others is fear of intimacy.
• Feelings of anger or discomfort when others voice their thoughts and opinions show a fear of intimacy.
• Lack of affection with loved ones can indicate fear of intimacy.

Don’t forget that some people are simply less demonstrative about their feelings; this doesn't necessarily indicate a fear of intimacy. You can work on your self to become more intimate, if you’d like, but you can’t change your loved ones.

How to minimize common relationship problems?

To minimize these common relationship problems:

• Be aware of your fears! It's okay to feel fear of intimacy; simply knowing that you're afraid of losing yourself and being engulfed by your relationship or family could prevent it from happening. When you know what you fear, you're in a better position to deal with it. Accepting that you have a common relationship problem will help you solve it.
• Express yourself appropriately. If you're afraid of being abandoned, try not to suffocate your loved ones with excessive attention or jealousy. Talk about your feelings, write them down – see a counselor if you're really struggling. Don't let your relationship problems – which are normal – dictate your behavior or wreck your relationship.
• Get educated. Do you have an extreme fear of intimacy or fear of abandonment? Find out how to successfully deal with change and how to be supportive when your loved ones want to change. Read books, seek support groups, or talk to a counselor about your relationship problems.

These common relationship problems take some work to overcome, but being aware and open to change will go a long way.

3 Common Relationship Problems - Part 3

Fear of Abandonment

Most of us don't want to be alone, and are dismayed at the thought of being rejected or abandoned. Even the healthiest people have some fear of abandonment. We know we could survive but life is better and easier with others (this is a primal instinct). We fear being left due to death, rejection, illness, physical or even emotional distance. This is a common relationship problem.

Becoming independent and emotionally healthy with your own life and goals is an ideal way to deal with this common relationship problem.

3 Common Relationship Problems - Part 2

Fear of Change

Sometimes our relationship fears make us afraid our partner will change; other times we fear he or she won't at all. Even good changes can be hard to deal with. When familiar habits and routines are changed, we feel a sense of unease because we have adjustments to make, new routines to create.

Talking honestly about changes is the best way to deal with this common relationship problem. Discussing relationship fears, hopes, motivations, and practical issues will make changes blend in with the daily routine in a much smoother way. Even fighting about your feelings is better than repressing or stuffing them down.

3 Common Relationship Problems - Part 1

Common relationship problems range from fear of intimacy to fear of rejection. Everyone struggles with fears of intimacy, change, and abandonment – but some people struggle more than others. Here's how to recognize and deal with three common relationship problems.

Fear of Intimacy

Even in childhood we fear being swallowed up by another person and losing our unique selves. We want to be independent with our own personalities, likes, dislikes, strengths, and even weaknesses. This is the first common relationship problem: fear of intimacy - which can involve engulfment.

Engulfment occurs when we lose who we are in our relationship: not only are our preferences lost – we may not even know what are preferences are anymore! People who have a fear of intimacy may be overly anxious about losing their selves, which makes them extremely guarded and hard to know. People with a fear of intimacy may fear being trapped or suffocated, which exacerbates their relationship fears.

Ways to Solve Any Relationship Problem - Part 5

Say "I'm sorry" if you act in a disrespectful or hurtful way toward your partner.

This one is short and sweet. You're not perfect

-- once in a while you may unintentionally (or intentionally) hurt your partner's feelings. You may say mean-spirited things in the heat of the moment that you immediately regret -- so swallow your pride, apologize and ask for forgiveness. By the same token, you should also expect an "I'm sorry" from your partner if your feelings were hurt by disrespectful behavior.

I know there's a chance that you had parents who abused each other and became overwhelmed by relationship problems, and I'll bet that they rarely said they were sorry for their actions. So be different -- become truly free in your relationship by admitting that you were wrong. Really value your partner, and don't let your relationship have an unhappy ending.

You're now armed with some very important negotiating and compromising skills to use in any disagreement; and by utilizing these techniques, you'll have much greater success in solving difficult relationship problems.

Ways to Solve Any Relationship Problem - Part 4

Set the right stage for discussion and negotiation of the problem.

There's a correct time and place to work on your problems. Let's deal with place first.

I can't tell you the exact room of your house that will work best for you, but a good rule of thumb is that it should be a location that's both quiet and comfortable

-- maybe it's your kitchen table or your den? It just shouldn't be in public or at a friend's home. Major discussions deserve to be held in a consistent, appropriate location. Forgetting to set the scene is a crucial blunder made by a lot of couples, so put some thought into this.

The right time for the negotiation is just as important as place. I believe that there are three important considerations in this area:

First, you must (and I can't stress the word must enough) point out a problem the very first time it arises. You'll have more leverage if you don't allow something to snowball into a pattern of behavior. Many people finally put their foot down when their partner has made a major mistake for about the 32nd time, but by then it's simply too late. The reality is this: The longer you allow your partner to get away with unacceptable behavior, the harder it will be to have any power to get them to stop. If you hold your tongue and just hope that your partner will change on their own, don't complain that you never get what you need.

Second, make sure that you have enough time available to thoroughly discuss the problem. Some of my patients will bring up an extremely important issue right before our time is up for the session and then get angry when I say that we have to stop. The same principle applies to your relationship: If you and your partner begin to argue just as you're leaving for work or getting ready to go out, then the discussion will be nonproductive. Alternately, if you put off the issue too long, you run the risk that the problem will never be solved. So set aside an appropriate length of time for a face-to-face meeting (notice that a phone conversation is generally not intimate enough).

Third, when you and your partner have been sitting there for hours still hammering away without a compromise, it may be time to call it quits for the time being and readdress the problem again later. When you both get tired and start to go 'round and 'round, it's acceptable to say, "How about if we agree to disagree for now and pick up our discussion later when we're both fresh?"

Ways to Solve Any Relationship Problem - Part 3

You'll have more success by focusing on one issue at a time.

It's nearly impossible to analyze more than one major issue at a time, which is why problem solving often fails miserably. Recently my wife and I started to discuss some money-management issues, and before we knew it, we ended the conversation by debating the amount of time we spend together. We caught our mistake and got back to the topic of money, but it did take some effort.

Make a commitment to actively focus on one thing at a time. I know it sounds difficult, but the payoff will be well worth the extra effort. Be aware, though, that your partner may try to derail the discussion by veering onto another topic if things start to get heated

-- it's a sneaky little tactic to shift the conversation when things aren't going so well. So every time you catch your partner avoiding the topic at hand, say, "Let's continue to deal with ___ now and get to ___ [the other issue] later."

Ways to Solve Any Relationship Problem - Part 2

The language you use toward your partner is critically important in determining the outcome of any problem.

Even though you may be right, you may not get your way if your method of communicating isn't effective. It will do you no good to put your partner on the defensive right away with accusatory language. When someone's being attacked, it's a natural defense mechanism for them to either fight back or retreat into a shell

-- in either case, the problem won't be rationally solved.

• Using the words always and never. Saying something like, "You never help out around here!" will stop any reasonable discussion dead in its tracks. It sounds like you're exaggerating, and your partner will invariably be challenged to fight back in their defense. They'll probably respond with something like, "That's not true! Remember that time two weeks ago that I helped clean up the house and took the kids to school?" It turns into a "he said, she said" debate, and the real issue gets lost in the translation.
  
  So catch yourself when you use words that imply absolutes. Using the above examples, it would be better to start off by saying, "I'd like to talk to you about your share of the workload," and "I'd really like it if you put me first -- sometimes I feel second to your friends, relatives and co-workers."
  
  
• Insults and name-calling. Some of us grew up believing that the more belligerent and loud we were, the more we'd command attention. Nothing could be further from the truth. Sure, this technique may intimidate and belittle your partner into compliance, but you'll also make them angry and resentful of your ways. They might not have the guts to tell you to your face, but they'll secretly feel that you're a jerk.
  
  Every time you or your partner call each other "stupid" or an "idiot" or an even nastier slur, a little bit of your relationship gets destroyed in the process. On top of that, your original problem will get lost in a barrage of obscenities, and nothing gets solved. So if you're being insulted, the right move is to say, as calmly as you can, "I can't continue to talk to you right now if you're going to use that language," and then offer to pick up the conversation later when your partner has calmed down. If they continue to aggressively come at you, then you need to question whether you'll be able to stay in a relationship with someone who's that emotionally and verbally abusive.
  
  
• Saying "or else!" A lot of people I know love to tack this little threat at the end of a command -- for example, "You better do things my way, or else!" Apparently they feel as if their need will get met more quickly if there's a hint of some consequence. But the real question should be: "Or else what?" What will you really do if your partner ignores your request? How will you retaliate? The problem with this choice of words is that very few people respond favorably to a threat and will actually do the opposite just to show that they won't be coerced into a specific action. Your bluff may be called, and then what will you be prepared to do? If you back down, then your threat is meaningless.
  
  Instead, think through your response very carefully and tell your partner, "Here's what I'm going to do if you don't respond to me." It's certainly okay to provide a consequence if your partner fails to correct a problem in the relationship, but that consequence needs to be well defined.
  
  So how can you ensure that you'll actually get heard? There are better ways to communicate your desires, as shown by the following few examples that can apply to any :
  
  
• "I'd like it if we could take some time today to talk about something that's really important to me."
  
  
• "I feel that this is a problem we can work on together."
  
  
• "This is really difficult for me to bring up, but I just want to tell you how I feel about..."
  
  
• "I just need you to listen and try to reserve judgment until I'm finished."
  
  
• "I'm just asking you to hear what I'm saying -- we don't have to fix the problem right this second."

Ways to Solve Any Relationship Problem - Part 1

Here are several things that must happen for a relationship issue to be resolved:

You and your partner should never keep a running tally of "wins" and "losses" in your negotiations.

Sadly this is one of the biggest mistakes that I see couples make. Believe me, most people won't admit this out loud, but they're keeping score internally, just waiting for the day they finally get to "win." When you hear your partner (or yourself) complain, "You always get your way. It's my turn now!" it's time to realize that score is being kept.

Why shouldn't you keep track of victories and losses so that over time things are evened up? It would only make sense to win an argument sometimes, and I'll grant you that your relationship should be an equal partnership. The problem with keeping score is that the win-loss record usually becomes the most important factor in resolving a dispute, rather than the need to figure out each issue on its own merit. A friend of mine once proudly told me that he'd gotten his way four times that week, compared to his wife getting her way only twice. He didn't care if he was right or wrong, just as long as he got in the last word and won the argument. Giving in for him meant that he was somehow "weak" and losing control. Although I thought he was completely insane (and I told him so), I tried to make him understand that this behavior would only serve to drive a wedge in his marriage and make his wife disgusted with his competitiveness.

Compromise is not a sign of personal weakness. It's really okay to let your partner come out on top sometimes. This can be an extremely hard thing to do, but challenge yourself to wipe the slate clean before you tackle a issue. If you're being hardheaded and are only interested in evening up the score, then you won't be able to see the problem clearly, and a very bad decision could be made that irreversibly harms your relationship.

Damn Toothache: My Experience

Long time ago, I used to think that crying was only for babies. At least it helped (and still does and will always do!) babies to get much needed attention. I used to think that crying was a very stupid way of attracting attention (please don’t ask me what I used to do when I was a baby).

But I have since learnt that crying is a very healthy way of releasing pent up emotion – at least it does deflate the almost-bursting bubble. I have learnt, too, that crying is also very healthy for adults. It has worked wonders for the women and men (yeah, men!) who have used it time and again to release and unfurl those knots in their hearts.

Well, recently I ‘found’ myself crying and it was not to release any pent-up emotion. Far from it.

A pain that emanated from deep within my mouth forced tears to freely course down the side of my face. It was such an excruciating pain and for once I thought I had been to hell and back. I tried to scream but checked myself just in time as a bolt of “murderous” pain shot from the base of my jaw up a molar and touched the side of my sour tongue with such a force that I reeled back.

I shook my head, hoping against hope that I would manage to shake off the assailant that was in my mouth. That made things even worse. Bolts of fork lightning threatened to fry my palate! As if that was not enough, claps of thunder in the form of groans announced in no uncertain terms that I was on the verge of insanity. Something inside my head told me that I was going through what lunatics have to contend with each passing day.

The ‘sweetest’ part of the whole set up is that all this was happening at night. And I was alone in my room. Just when I needed everyone in the world, there was no one in sight. Being at night, I could not decide to take a “forced” walk to make peace with “my stubborn assailant”. So I was left with little else to do than to walk from one corner of my room to the other.

As I paced the room, in an attempt to ‘persuade’ the pain in my mouth (a damn toothache) to stop harassing me, I felt like a famished toothless lion that had felled a mighty deer with one swipe of the paw. The lion could not feast on the prey – it was toothless! The pacing, accompanied by an occasional impromptu opening of the mouth to suck in air, was like literally chasing the wind.

Another very ‘sweet’ thing about that night was that I did not have any pain killer in my room. My world was crumbling before my very eyes. I increased the speed of my paces as the pain jumped from the lower jaw to the upper one and back. There is a time I jumped as I felt my teeth being pulled from their positions in the jaws.

In the madness that characterized that night, I can’t explain how I fell asleep, on the couch. I found myself waking up in the morning and tried to figure where I was as a shaft of sunlight hit my sleepy eyes. Seconds later, memories of the previous night’s ordeal came tearing through the peace in my mind like an angry avalanche.

I decided that I was not ready to endure another “painful experience”. A dentist had to come to my rescue.

The dentist listened as I recounted my ordeal the previous night. I saw a smile break on his lips. I wondered how anyone would dare smile when a person told them of the problems they’d encountered. “This is a sadistic fellow,” I thought.

Minutes later, the dentist handed me “the thing” he’d extracted from my mouth. I held in my hand the tooth which had a very dark centre – where the hole was!

I almost laughed when I thought how that small thing had made me cry the night before. I felt the “cave” where the tooth had been with my tongue. It felt good to be rid of an enemy. I almost exulted at that very sobering thought.

Be the Change you so much Seek

Has it ever occurred to you that the change that you so much seek could and should first start with you? This simply means that for you to feel and experience the change you so much hanker after, you need to do something. There’s nothing for nothing.

In essence it boils down to creating the right atmosphere to attract that very “precious” change.

But the sad thing is that only few people are ready to accept the change to start with them. They believe that change will only come from the outside.

This kind of attitude is not one that is carried by people who change (and affect) their surroundings and situations. People who are “changers” know that for their situations and circumstances to change, they have to “change” first.

They have to change:
· How they look at things i.e. their perceptions have to change.
· How much attention they are willing to give to their situation.
· Whom they blame when they fail or when things do no go as they had planned. They have to be ready to “shoulder the blame” and see how best to solve the “problem”. They also try to work out means and ways of preventing the situation from recurring.
· How they receive everything that comes their way. They ask themselves, “What do I learn from this situation? How can I work it out to my advantage?”
· How they see people. They have to realize that people are the greatest resource ever “invented”.
· How they treat people. They have to realize that you cannot “bully” people into action and expect things to run smoothly. People love to be respected for who they are. People also perform excellently when they are assured that they are trusted.

These are just some few pointers that I have learnt in my daily experiences and association with my colleagues and friends. I hope that you find them eye openers. I believe that you people out there have so much more to add to this list. Please feel free to share your “eye openers” with us.

P.S. Here are some quotes on CHANGE that I came across recently :

· Progress is impossible without change; and those who cannot change their minds cannot change anything. – George Bernard Shaw

· Things do not change; we change. – Thoreau


· You cannot change people but you can channel them your way. – Hal Stabbins

· Everything changes continually. What is history indeed but a record of change? And if there had been no changes in the past, there would have been little of history to write. –M. Gandhi

· Progress is a nice word. But change is its motivator and change has its enemies. – Robert F. Kennedy

· The art of progress is to preserve order amid change and to preserve change amid order. – Alfred North Whitehead

· Change yourself if you wish to change the world. – The Mother

· Change is not made without inconvenience, even from worse to better. – Richard Hooker

Pre-Marital Sex - Is it acceptable or not?

Here we will discuss about an interesting and important topic too Pre-Marital Sex. You people first tell this, from the below options which one you choose,

1. Love with Sex,
2. Love without Sex,
3. Only Sex, No Love,
4. No Love, No Sex.

Now a days many youngsters are started to give a new definition to Love. If Love is present there without Sex means, then no one will accept that kind of Love. Do you feel bad about having Sex with your partner? If true Love is present there means, then why should we bother about the Sex and all.

You people share about it here....

Come let us fight against AIDS

Even though many precautionary things have been taken, so many propagandas have been going on, many news related information are coming through, no one is going to care about AIDS. It is going to affect the other person, then why should I care about it? Like this only many are thinking here in this Society. Many are telling that we all should join our hands together to protect our World from AIDS and so on. But how many are ready to do it, that is what the question here? My question is how many of you will accept the AIDS affected people as your friends and keep them with you under your shadows. Each and every one of you touch your heart and tell the answer. Why many people are not taking the advice in to their mind? They all know that if we have unsecured Sex, then it will lead to AIDS, But no one is co-operating and all likes to do that only, then what' s the use? What you all think about this?

Need Peace!!!!

When God comes to this World and sees every thing means, definitely he will feel bad bad about the situation that present here. Many are fighting with each others in name of wars, no co-operation among the countries, no one is ready to join the hands to improve and so on. If we do like this means then any thing can easily beat us, regardless of power and so on. There are so many problems that exist here, one of the main thing is Terrorism. But taking war on other countries is not the only solution for these kind of problems. Why should we fight with each other? What we don't have here? If we all co-operate with each other means , then no one can beat us.

Cheers

Upper Caste/Lower Caste - So what?

We already saw one post here in this blog about the racism. Here we will see a similar post related to that, Upper Caste/Lower Caste problems that exist in this society, These kind of problems are well known in countries like India, Pakistan and so on. Here people will start to discriminate each other based on the financial status, educational status etc., so this will result in discriminating them from the Society. God made us in this World, then why should we separate us based on these stupid things. If we feel like this means then we all should feel shame as a human being because of our activities. If we all have Sixth sense means, then what' s the reason for these kind of things to happen? Do you experienced it in your Society circle? What you think about this?

Do you bother about Society?

Many of us are having these questions in our mind. Whether we should live for the sake of us or for the society? Should I bother about the society? And so on many questions are there yet to get answer from us. While trying to get the answers for these kind of questions, many of us will get into Dilemma. The reason is if we start to think about the society means, then it is not possible to get the answer. My question is we are living for us and not for the sake of others, then why should we bother about others and this Society. This Society will always keep on pointing out some thing on us, regardless of whether it is really a mistake or not? Now you people share the thing here, will you bother about Society?

Gender Bias - Is it a Big Deal?

This is one of the big problem that we all face in most of the places, especially in our respective homes. No one is trying to get the real point inside it and they are doing the things that they like irrespective of country and so on.

A child's destiny can be determined by as simple a circumstance as whether his or her father contributed an X or Y chromosome. Pink or blue clothes. Guns or dolls. The provider and the homemaker. Female infanticide. The patriarchal system. The purdah system. The premium on virginity. Dashing bachelors and aging spinsters. What are they all about? They all revolve around the issue of gender bias. The fact is that people are treated differently depending on their gender.

Gender bias is so deeply ingrained in the system that the discrimination begins from the time a couple plans a baby. Today, science has advanced so far that it is possible to separate male and female sperm so as to predetermine the sex of a child. In some parts of the world the birth of a baby boy warrants a celebration whereas a baby girl may not be extended the same warm welcome. Despite the fact that India has crossed the billion mark in population, there will still be families with five daughters and the mother trying desperately to give birth to a son.

When we will get the solution for this problem?

Why we should differentiate the Male and Female?

How much you like Music?

Each and every one in this world likes Music, no one can go against this quote. From rich people to poor people, no exceptional cases for this. Music is common to every one and it is the one which unites every one in this World. It is of various kinds like Rock, Jazz, and so on. Many will have certain kinds of taste inside them and it varies from country to country. Each and every one is having their own taste of Music in their culture itself. This is true Culture is related to Music and vice versa. Music is having the power of curing some diseases and it has the power to change any thing. You people share the thing about Music that you have in your mind.

Love the Music, Love the Life

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Ragging - How far it mentally affects the students?

Many of you are not aware of the term "Ragging". Let us what it is actually means,

"'Ragging' means the doing of any act which causes, or is likely to cause any physical, psychological or physiological harm of apprehension or shame or embarrassment to a student, and includes– (a) teasing or abusing of playing Practical joke on, or causing hurt to any student. or (b) asking any student to do any act, or perform any thing, which he/she would not, in the ordinary course, be willing to do or perform."

These kind of things are happening in many Colleges, Educational institutions and so on. It happens mostly in India, Sri Lanka, Pakistan and in many other countries. Even though many bad results are coming through this kind of incident, no one seems to be taking this issue as an serious one and keep on doing these things in their respective Colleges and so on. But it is not possible to any one to feel the pain of others. Many students are getting affected because of this problem and the presence of many Govt. rules and regulations seems to be idle. Why no one realizing the real thing inside it?

Please stop Racism

All are equal in this world, then why should we fight with each other? What's the need for it? Many are fighting with each other, but one of the stupid reason is fighting with others because of color variation and so on related to it. This is one of the main problem that exist in each and every part of the world. Why should we fight because of this simple reason? God made us to born in this beautiful world and he only decides the color, face and so on. This is not the mistake of others, the why should we take this as an big issue and ti fight through it. If we all sit and think means then everything will become foolish and childish. So let us join our hands together and try to do some thing for this world, instead of fighting with each other.

Cheers friends...

Global Warming

Who am I to care about this World? Like this only many people are thinking here and no one worrying about the climatic changes that are keep on changing here. No one is ready to join their hands together to bring our world out from the Global warming problem. Due to the Air pollution like forest firing, Vehicle pollution, Industries pollution and so on, the Global Warming is keep on increasing here. One of the main causes is Deforestation and because of this so many problems are caused to this world. The lack of Rainfall is also one of the things which causes so many problems to us. What we are going to do for this? We all are having the responsibility to save our world. But who shows the interest, the answer is No. Why many people are not caring about this and keep on doing their personal work. The only solution is all of us should try to make some thing good for this world, otherwise our future will be????

Child Labour

People who have enough resources to bring their children up in life are spending money and doing any thing they they like to them. Whether those children make use of it or not that doesn't matter. This one part, what you people think about the other part. Yes the only solution for that family is sending their children to work. In order to run their family those parents are sending their children to the work. Even though many Govt. plans are existing here, no one is following it and no one is ready to accept that. Many companies are recruiting the children because of less salary and more work. Why those families are not thinking about the future of their children? They are very keen on spending the present day successfully by having enough amount of food, but they are caring about the future, right? Who knows the answer? Time only can answer it.....

Cyber Crimes?

The day when Internet is evolved, we all are having this problem in each and every part of this world. Ya the thing that we are going to discuss here is Cyber Crime. When one positive thing is present, at the same place one negative thing is also will be there. Likewise in Internet we all are having so many advantages, but as equal to it we all are having so many dis-advantages. One of the main dis-advantage is Cyber Crime. Now a days it is so popular because of the presence of so many hackers in this web world. Many knows how to do some malfunctions in Web world and they are doing it for their own purposes, in order to earn more from it. Even though many sources are available to save us from these people, they are doing it in a very advanced fashion. No one can able to get rid off them and to restrict them from doing. Who knows the solution for this?

Why you need this needle?

Do any one of you have idea about the thing that we are going to discuss here? Try to guess it by seeing the above photo. Ya you people are absolutely right, Drug is the thing that we are going to discuss here. Many youngsters got affected because of this habit especially college and school students. Even though they all are aware of the side effects through this habit, no one worry about it. For them they need that 1 or 2 minute satisfaction and enjoyment, that is what all they need. Why should we destroy this wonderful life by getting into these kind of habits? So many things are there to enjoy the life, but why many people prefer these kind of stuffs. Do you have any idea?

Forced one!!!!

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Carelessness leads to.....?

For many of the problems that exist in this world, the main reason is Carelessness. If Govt. put some rule means then no one will follow it and they will start to do the things that they like and not worrying about others. People like this don't concentrate in their own work and don't listen to other words. For example here I will tell you one example, here Government put one rule that "Don't use Cell phones while driving". But how many of them are obeying this rule. Recently I saw one accident which occurred due to Cell phone. Why no one obeying these kind of things? What's the reason for this? The person who driven the vehicle has died due to his carelessness..... Now you people got the meaning of my title?

What you people think about carelessness?

What's the solution for poverty

Even though many rich are living in this world, even though many trusts are there to help the poor people, even though many Government plans are there to help the poor people in needy conditions. The one thing that is remaining strongly in each and every part of the world. It is none other than Poverty. Each and every one is one is getting affected through this problem and many lost their lives. No one seems to be taking any steps to help the people who are suffering through poverty. So many countries are affected due to this, especially Africa, India and so on. What' s the permanent solution for this? Can any one point out here? It's not possible to find the solution for this, at the same time it is too complex. But any way we all should join our hands together to help our brothers and sisters, right? Let us do some thing rather than speaking........

My Evasive Nyama Choma

News that at least four abattoirs had been closed down in Nairobi sometime this week hit me hard. In fact it was a slap across my broad face. Nyama choma (roasted meat) and my mouth are sworn blood brothers. Yeah, and literally so.

So, news that some principal slaughter houses in Nairobi had been closed down really jolted me. I started asking myself how I would get by the week with the thought that come weekend there might not be enough meat to serve the city thus I would end up not tasting my delicacy.

My employer might have noticed my disenchantment with life itself for he called me the other day asking what was “eating” me. He also pointed out that my work output was lackluster (to use his word). He said this was unlike me.

If only he knew what was bugging me, he might have sent me packing. Thank God he couldn’t read the thoughts that were doing their rounds in my head!

The authorities say that these abattoirs are in a sorry state sanitation-wise. They are very dirty and pose health risks to the “nyama choma” patrons (like yours truly).

But, seriously speaking, I thought fire can kill all manner of germs, worms and other such health risks that can “append their poison” in the meat I love so much. Roasted meat goes through fire, doesn’t it?

Can someone please, puliiiiz, do something about this state of affairs. I, like so many other Nairobians, need to get back to work with all the energy I can and could muster. This is energy that I can only get from my favourite delicacy “Nyam Chom”.

You slaughter house guys, clean up your act and make sure there is enough Nyama Choma to drown the city the moment I step out of the house this weekend. Somebody reading this?

“Love”…with an Eye on the Prize!

I don’t refute the claim that there is true love (and I know many people who are beneficiaries of this bug). But I know there are people who take advantage of people’s feelings in the pretext of “loving” them.

There are some women (and men) who would give their eye teeth to get hooked to a rich white man or woman with a long-term aim of settling abroad. This is very rife in Africa (particularly in Kenya).

The allure of the West has turned into an anthem to every Tom, Dick and Harry who wants to bid farewell to penury and (beggary). Many young people have the notion that if they go to the UK or the USA, their lives will change drastically (for the better!)

Most of them have found out that there is no easy way of hastening their steps to the $ and the £, than waltzing their way into the lives of male and female (white) tourists in the hope that they will eventually be whisked to the lands that they have always desired to travel to (and hopefully settle in).

Getting a Visa to countries such as the UK and the USA can prove hard because of the exhaustive (and equally exhausting!) procedures that are involved. But this is no hurdle to these gold digging young men who could traverse the most expansive ocean to get to the lands (and the money & opportunities) they aspire.

They tend to believe that falling in love with their white friends and getting married to them is a sure fire way of circumventing this obstacle. {But is it a solution, really?}

You’d care to see what some of the young men get married to: some very old, (moneyed, yes!), scrawny hags that would pass for anyone’s grandmother or better still, great grandmother!

I call such kind of love: “Love… with an Eye on the Prize!”

Kenyans’ Blood is Crying Out

Mungiki-related murders; beheadings,
Violence, chaos, lawlessness,
Rivers of tears wept,
Hundreds of hearts wounded, punctured, frayed.

Parentless children,
Widowers, widows on the increase,
Dreams, aspirations, shattered;
The stark aftermath.

Extra-judicial executions,
The Force hauled over the coals,
Lambasted, cornered, quizzed
Denial came just naturally.

Mt Elgon, Kuresoi,
Pre-election violence, machetes at the ready,
Blood spilled, hundreds dead,
Homes fled, despair looms.

Post-election, Pandora’s Box’s yanked open,
Mayhem, anarchy, chaos, conflict,
Tribalistic chauvinism at its best,
Senseless killings reign supreme.

Innocent children, men and women,
At the mercy of unruly youths,
Nay, the Police with a tall order,
An order to shoot and kill.

Churches, not a safe haven,
Refuge seekers’ lives ‘strangulated’,
Burnt to ashes, they are,
Men, women, children.

Bullet-ridden bodies lie in morgues,
Hungry citizens await respite,
To start living again;
A murderous resolve solidifies.

Charred stumps,
Dot the hollowness in our hearts;
Smoldering embers,
Keep our latent emotions alive.