Problems in Love Relationships - Part 3

We can't talk about that

Every time you approach certain subjects, it turns into an argument. In the back of your mind, you decide to avoid that topic in the future because you don't want to fight. You don't want the conflict. You believe fighting means the relationship is on rocky ground or is threatening to the relationship. You want to stay together, but believe if you fight, you might separate. So you become afraid to talk about one or two subjects. Over time, that list of "don't touch that one" becomes more and more numerous. And as the list of avoided topics grows, it starts to feel like you can't talk with each other anymore. You feel distant and detached. You start wondering how much longer you can live like this. The silence grows.

Useful Questions:

* Examine your beliefs about love and arguing. Are you afraid of being hurt in relationships? Does disagreeing with someone always mean hurt feelings? If so, why? How could you do it differently?

* Do you limit yourself in some way when with your lover? Why? What might happen if you let them see and hear all of you?

* Is honesty in your love relationship ever a “wrong” move?
Why do you believe that? (Read more about how honesty effects relationships)

* Talk to your partner about your concerns while keeping the focus on your feelings and not their behavior. (Helpful hint: Be watchful of terms like “you always, you never, you make me feel.” Try this instead: “When you [the behavior], I find myself felling [your feelings]...”)

* Learn to be more accepting of your partner by becoming more accepting of yourself.